false alarm. still invincible.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He kissed a someone with a penis
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
