Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize