I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
