That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
