in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
