It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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