everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
