Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
