its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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