any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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