Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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