so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
