you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
