Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
