I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
