I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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