youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize