did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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