Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
