this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
