dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
