An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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