Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
