in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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