If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
