One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize