4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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