The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
