so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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