I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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