I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
