i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
