Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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