he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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