Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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