this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
