Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Sober January is a disaster.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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