i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
