you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The power of my boobs compel you
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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