I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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