I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
