i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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