why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
