i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
