I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
