grandma shit on top of the toilet
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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