SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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