i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
