I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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