I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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