So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
