So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
