I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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