how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
