I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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