the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
