somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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