Pants 0. Shit 1.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
