i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
