All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
