She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
