The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's official drugs can't kill me
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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