Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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