I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
