Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
