Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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