i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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