This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
