I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Still dying that you shit outside
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
