Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

just caught grandpa beating off in the living room

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(817): View more from Texas

You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?

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(404): View more from Georgia

It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..

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(518): View more from New York

They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.

(1-518): View more from New York

Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.

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(310): View more from California

Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor

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