none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
