ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
