he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
