You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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