Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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